Petty culture has been finding its way into my social media feeds for at least a year now. Memes, videos, and gifs of ex-girlfriends seeking revenge, or passive aggressive ways to reprimand one’s roommates generate thousands of likes and shares, some of them, admittedly my own. Have you ever received a disapproving email in which your boss was unnecessarily CC-ed? Didn’t you think “That was so petty and uncalled for” ? What’s with the recent trend of encouraging people to joke about antisocial and immature behavior?
It’s not truly a new phenomenon; pettiness has long been part of the human condition, and the English term has been in use since the 1600s. It’s no secret that our modern culture isn’t exactly a fertile garden of virtue, but the weed of pettiness seems to be rearing its ugly head in the cultural consciousness.
Let’s call pettiness what it is: a vice. Like greed, pride, or laziness, we have to realize that this is not a good thing, right? Perhaps we can say that the father of pettiness is the “sorry not sorry” attitude. We are experts at turning behaviors that we should rightfully feel for into behaviors that we laugh at or celebrate. And this kind of shame that demands nothing short of mass approval to make itself feel okay. But pettiness isn’t okay. We can lie to ourselves or say, well, pettiness is not the same as full blown aggression or bullying. Indeed, the word petty stems from the French word “petite,” or small (out of all of the posh, French traits to exude, why pettiness?!)
If a problem is small, shouldn’t we just be thankful for that, and move on? To be petty is to be small—to be small-minded and small-hearted. It’d be wrong to say that people have exalted pettiness as a virtue—that would make no sense. No, they’ve gone for the more subtle variant; they’ve turned pettiness into a joke, which is much more intellectually palatable.
The culture loves to do this. When they can’t get away with calling something good, they just call it funny. Then it’s okay, right? It made someone laugh, so is it really all that harmful? Doesn’t laughter neutralize the toxic effects of a vice? Hopefully you see what I’m getting at. We have to be careful about what we trivialize, before it becomes something that undermines our character and our relationships. What we laugh at one moment can easily become our attitude the next. sarcasmsociety.com weighs in:
Pettiness As An Art Form
In this day and age of social media where we can post something online and get a dopamine spike watching all those likes come immediately pouring in, being the bigger person doesn’t have the same rewarding feeling that it used to. And in this day and age of social media, it’s become much easier (and a heck of a lot more fun) to just be the absolute definition of petty…
Credits: http://imgur.com
Yes, being petty is childish and not something that civilized adults should ever engage in.
But these days, thanks to the creativity and share-ability of the internet, pettiness has been elevated from an ugly characteristic to an absolute art form.
I know, I know, I must be a ton of fun at parties. I’m all for an occasional joke. If petty had simply stayed an occasional joke, I might still be laughing along. But the subtle way in which it is undermining maturity and emotional intelligence deserves a good discussion.
Ladies (and gentlemen), let’s bring back magnanimity. It’s hard to say, and even harder to practice, but just imagine how many beautiful bridges we could build in this world if we chose to be generous, expansive souls. We could aggressively cut out the cancers of gossip and ingratitude, and replace them with words that build and encourage.
We could give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt, or communicate hurts or concerns with directness and charity. We could overlook more faults than we correct.
What do we get out of magnanimity?
Respect. At the end of the day, someone may laugh at a petty person, but no one really respects them. They expose their reputations and relationships to ruin.
Some of you may have read my suggestions on how to be a more magnanimous human being and thought, “But I’m not a pushover!”
Good! Nice is not a virtue!
If you have a serious problem with a co-worker, friend, roommate, or otherwise, please don’t let it fester.
The flip side of the petty coin is that righteous anger needs to be expressed righteously.
The regrettably few times I have done this well usually paid off—I respect myself more for not falling into the instant gratification of indulging my inner child, and the other person respects me for being willing to confront the situation with grace.
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t practice any virtue simply for what you get out of it—after all, magnanimity is about giving! Still, it helps to reflect upon what you’re gaining and preserving when you choose to act bigger than you feel. Giving the gift of your trust, honest feedback, and acceptance of small faults will show those around you that you are trustworthy. The respect you’ll have for yourself is not a bad perk, either! So, how are you going to practice magnanimity today?
